Though it only existed as one letter of the LGBTQ acronym a decade ago, the transgender community now represents a substantial portion of mainstream America. While that comes with positives (increased awareness of issues like mental health, violence, and harassment), trans awareness has also made things more difficult for many people.

No where is that more prevalent than in states like North Carolina (which explicitly targeted the transgender community in rushing through now-defunct HB 2).

Blatant discrimination is easy to identify (just as blatant racism is) and fight; it’s subtle transphobia that lurks just beneath the surface that repeatedly affects trans people. More specifically, it’s casual transphobia in the LGBTQ community that makes the fight for trans equality all the more difficult.

Survivor 

Reality show fans across the nation witnessed an example of this during a recent episode of the long-running show Survivor. In the episode, a gay man used a transgender man’s gender identity as a weapon in an attempt to stoke distrust. Up until then, the trans man hadn’t disclosed his gender identity or transition to other contestants – something the gay man portrayed as making him ‘distrustful.’

“There is deception here. Deception on levels … these guys don’t even understand,” the contestant said to the show’s host and remaining contestants. “Zeke, why haven’t you told anyone you’re transgender?”

Claiming that hiding his transgender identity “reveals the ability to deceive,” the gay male contestant thought he would be exempt from criticism based on his own membership in the LGBTQ community.

It never occurred to him the trans contestant hadn’t told anyone or that by revealing that secret and outing him to millions he could be putting the Zeke’s life at risk. The show worked meticulously with LGBTQ organizations and the trans contestant to ensure the episode was edited in a way that treated the moment with the dignity it merited.

This is an unfortunate reality for many transgender men and women. While fighting for equality in the mainstream, they must also fight a constant battle against their LGBTQ brothers and sisters for acceptance.

Common Ground

Theo Vanore – a transgender man living in Indianapolis – recounted such an occasion when we spoke with him. Recalling a gay man in his group of friends that repeatedly mis-gendered a fellow performer at Indy Pride, Vanore said, “We were in a group performing and we all tried to chime in and correct the man but he just flat out ignored it.”

Even after intervention and explanations, the gay man refused to accept that he was engaging in the same ignorance and hate-based speech LGBTQ opponents use to demonize the community as a whole.

In many ways, the divide between gay, lesbian and bisexual people and transgender, gender non-conforming and queer people is comparable to the divide between lesbians and gay men in the 1980’s just before the AIDS crisis. Before they began working together to defeat a plague, they often struggled to find common ground in how to achieve basic equality.

The LGB community can’t fall into the same trappings in refusing to stand up for their disenfranchised, brutalized and often murdered brethren.

Award-winning LGBTQ columnist (and senior editor of HIV Equal Online) Tyler Curry touched on this in a 2014 article calling out LGB people for their attitudes and lukewarm support of the transgender community. “Gay men often use the slur because they believe it’s a part of their collective community vocabulary,” he said. “Just as we take liberties by using our own gay slurs as we chose, we mistakenly use the slurs aimed at trans people and whose objections are brushed off as political sensitivity.”

He added:

“There is a difference between sexual orientation and gender identity, and it can’t be expected that one movement will equally serve both groups. However, gays and transgender individuals both share in the effects of being misunderstood. So, as gay men and women, we don’t fully need to understand being transgender to be able to whole-heartedly support that cause.”

That is to say, gay men and lesbians don’t have to know or understand everything transgender men and women go through, but they need to empathize, support and listen.

Moving Forward

Being an ally doesn’t always mean speaking on behalf of others; sometimes it can be owning up to mistakes. It can be actively working to reduce stigma and discrimination.

Nicole – a trans woman living in San Francisco – echoed this as she offered pointers on best practices. “Don’t assume if you aren’t sure. Ask,” she said discussing pronoun preferences.

Vanore offered similar advice. “As a trans person, I feel strong when someone asks me for how to better represent as an ally.” He added, “Above all, support us, just as much as you want us to support you.”

While gay men and lesbians work toward civil protections in the workplace and places of public accommodation, transgender men and women are still fighting for the right to merely exist. Campaigns to deny them the right to use public gender-segregated facilities consistent with their gender identity are designed to criminalize identity and to deny basic human rights.

Laverne Cox eloquently explained it saying, “And what people should know about these bathroom bills that criminalize trans people — criminalize me going to the women’s room, is that these bills are not about bathrooms.” She continued, “They’re about whether trans people have the right to exist in public space. If we can’t access public bathrooms, we can’t go to school, we can’t work, we can’t go to health care facilities.”

While this fight has nothing to do with sexual orientation, it has everything to do with basic civil rights – a concept LGB people should be intimately familiar with. Microaggressions against trans people serve no good purpose and only serve to alienate and divide the LGBTQ community. Given the current administration and political climate, LGBTQ people need to stick together now more than ever.