The clock keeps ticking. It is relentless in its march. As of this writing it is 43 days until we arrive in L.A.  I have so much to accomplish, a list of chores to get done.  Am I panicked? Do you know me? Hell, yes I’m panicked.  You shouldn’t mistake my panic for a lack of resolve.  After 20 some years of following my dreams, I have learned a thing or two about how much can be planned and how much you have to release to the winds of fate.  It is not a comfortable spot for a control freak like me to be in, but as I have stated in the past, dreams take vulnerability and vulnerability is uncomfortable.  So, I guess that means I am on the right track. 

I had a good friend recently ask with just a tinge of hope, that if everything didn’t line up were we going to stay here in Spokane.  The hard fact is… no, that’s not how dreams work. We put a deadline on our plan, we will be in Los Angeles on Tuesday, May 1^{st ,} 2018 at 10:00 pm. Yeah, we are pretty specific. As of this article, we have no place to live yet, no day jobs lined up and no guarantees.  It is terrifying.  It is also exciting. 

I’m willing to bet that 95% of you just felt a mixture of panic and judgement for us. It’s ok, I think we’ve all been there.  What are those idiots doing? What makes them think they can just up and move to L.A. and it all will work out? 

All I know is I have never accomplished anything by waiting for permission; recording albums, creating radio shows and podcasts, staging huge productions were all accomplished by two very specific things in me.  One, they were pieces of my soul that refused not to be expressed, I had to do them.  (Pretty dramatic right? You don’t love me because I’m demure) Two, it never crossed my mind that I couldn’t do them. 

I used to think that whoever made me and sent me down to this crazy planet, left something out of my wiring.  I used to feel like I was inherently flawed.  I seemed to feel too much as a kid… who am I kidding, even now!

There are times I would look at the world and all of the ugliness that it is capable of and it would just shut me down.  How could I be expected to survive this place without that piece that must exist that allows me to make sense of it all?  You try being a gay kid in a Southern Baptist minister’s family, overweight in a world that tells you that you can’t possibly be beautiful, and dream of being in entertainment… because you know, there’s no chance of rejection there. 

The arts saved my life and continue to do so.  Music, theater, writing, making people laugh, they gave me a way to cope, to translate the world around me and make me feel like I could do something. 

So what some may see as, “Jonathan, that crazy guy still chasing dreams at 42, when is he going to grow up?” (Or maybe that’s just me yelling it at myself) I do it because it is who I am, have always been and will always be. 

I would rather spend every breath chasing what I love and believe in than to just not. 

I am reminded of the great Langston Hughes poem, Harlem: 

What happens to a dream deferred?

      Does it dry up
      like a raisin in the sun?
      Or fester like a sore—
      And then run?
      Does it stink like rotten meat?
      Or crust and sugar over—
      like a syrupy sweet?

      Maybe it just sags
      like a heavy load.

      Or does it explode?

Yeah, I’m scared, but I have to know.  Nothing changes if nothing changes. My dreams are waiting and although I have no guarantees, if I don’t at least try then they don’t even have a shot at being real. 

I for one don’t want to know what happens to a dream deferred, I’ll give it all I have until my very last breath and at least I’ll go with a smile. 

Don’t you worry, I’m sure I’ll make it as dramatic and memorable as possible.  It’s Jonathan after all!

Sometimes in life we must humble ourselves and ask for the help of others.  It can be vulnerable and feel awkward for us, but we bring it to you with open hearts. We need your support again, although there are many opportunities we are lucky enough to explore, it takes quite a bit of money to make a move of this magnitude, especially to a place like Los Angeles. Please consider donating to our Go Fund Me page, it will mean the world to us! 

www.gofundme.com/the-road-to-la