Land Rover has always been a luxury brand that was not afraid to get dirty but somehow did it in a stylish way, never getting completely soiled but somehow never stayed completely clean, yet in a sexy way. This is the vehicle you got if 1) you had money and 2) you wanted to go off road but not give yourself a coronary and 3) you had money. Things haven’t changed much, especially for the 2018 Land Rover Discovery (I tested the midrange trim, the HSE, and it was indeed a joy).

For starters, the entry-level price is $58,490, so right off the bat, you need to be that certain type of bear to be able to afford this kind of car. And what type of bear might that be?  Your guess is as good as mine, but if someone will give you a loan for that kind of money, you are indeed THAT kind of bear.

One great thing about Land Rovers is that there is always plenty of room inside.  No matter how large a man you are, there is plenty of room for you, your masculinity and all your friends who are often busting at the seams while trying to pinch pennies.  Yeah, sure, these cars ain’t cheap, but for once, you can ride tall and stretch wide and not have to worry about cinching it up just so you can strap in and go.

Off-roading, on-roading, all-roading, no-roading – Land Rover really can do it all, and that comes in handy, whether or not you know what you are doing, or the previous night’s libations are having a serious influence on you (but to be clear, please don’t drink and drive).

I was a bit disappointed in the technology, and given that I am not a techie, I can only imagine what real bears who live and breathe tech must think.  To me, it just seemed a little slow and disjointed, but maybe I wasn’t getting into its groove.  Admittedly, when I am paying that kind of money (not that I ever would or could), I want the car to drive itself and program itself for me. In fact, I almost want it to read my mind and know what song I want to hear next and what DJ mix I want to hear.  Well, call me old-fashioned…

Also, should you be that special kind of bear who can seriously consider getting a Land Rover, know that estimated mileage for 2018 is 21 city and 26 highway.  Yeah, sure, if you have this kind of money, who cares what you spend on gasoline. Just sayin’.

Seriously, if ever get a chance to hop in a Land Rover and go for even a short road trip, do it. You will ride tall, sit wide and have plenty of room to just sit and be the happy fat ass you were always meant to be.

Truly, life doesn’t get any better than that.